I'm in love with my boss

February 22, 2012

Hi Molly,
I am in need of advice. I have been working for the same company for 10 years and in my mid 30s, attractive and intelligent. I come from a wonderful family and have a good support system that includes close friends, too. I say all of this so you won’t think I’m totally horrible.
I’m falling in love with my boss. I’ve worked for him for six years. We talk about our personal lives, eat lunch together, go out with the office for drinks regularly and find ourselves hunkered down in a corner usually. He’s everything I want in a man, except he’s married. He says he’s unhappy which I know doesn’t make it ok, but I just am crazy about him! I’m having a hard time concentrating at work and find when I’m away from work I’m annoyed and upset. I date but no one comes close to him. I was in a two-year relationship and we broke up a few months ago. He couldn’t commit to me because of some personal issues. I’m so confused and don’t know what to do.
In love with my boss

Dear In love,
Here is my take. You just got out of a relationship and you are projecting your pain and frustration on to your boss hoping for relief. You have been working with him for a long time (six years) and I’m not hearing that you have always felt this way towards him. I’m also not hearing that during your recent relationship you missed your boss or that he was the cause of the break up. My point is that I don’t think you are as in love as you may think.
It’s time to drum up all that good upbringing and the things you know to be right and act on those values. I always ask women to put themselves in the shoes of the other woman. Then allow yourself to mourn the breakup of your relationship, cry, look at the good that came out of it, and not project onto your boss. The last thing you need is to be vulnerable and have an affair with a married man. He is married and whether it’s going to end in divorce or not, you can’t go there. Affairs with bosses in and of itself are bad news and can jeopardize your professional life. So anyway you look at this it’s not right.
I also would advise you to tell a couple people you love what you’re going through; preferably friends who would not support being with a married man. They can help you when you’re feeling down and lend support. I have a feeling that you will jump back pretty quickly and your married boss will be just another guy that you like but hold a clear boundary with.
~ Molly
Readers, do you agree that she may not be healed from her breakup? How should she handle the boss situation? Does she owe him an explanation of any kind?

Dear Molly,
You asked for your readers' opinions, and I certainly have one, based solely on what he wrote.
Please, please tell the young man whose girlfriend kicks his dog to walk, no, run, as fast as he possibly can in the exact opposite direction from this woman. To marry her would be the biggest mistake of his life.
First of all, if she is kicking his dog when he is in the same room, can you imagine what she might be doing if she is ever, God forbid, left alone with the dog?
And what if she is kicking his dog in hopes the dog will finally have enough, and bite her? Then she could insist that he have the dog put down.
If her parents raised her this way, how will she raise her children?
He should think about that as well. Will his children be the kinds of people who kick dogs? How could he ever live with himself if he allowed her to raise his children that way? Or what if he found out she was hurting the kids? He would always know that he had seen the warning signs, but ignored them.
He needs to break up with her, and he needs to take away the key to his house, if he ever gave her one, or better yet change the locks. He needs to keep his dog safely in the house unless he is actually with the dog, because if this woman wants revenge, she will take it out on the dog.
I would be very, very afraid of this woman. If she was in my life I would move out of the state if necessary to get away from her.
Anonymous

Molly is a writer and business professional with years of experience in finance, business development and management. Her lifelong passion and learning has been focused on the understanding and complexity of relationships as well as effective communication. Originally from Texas she has lived in many cities including St. Louis and Portland finally settling in Boston where she raised her family and received her education in Business Administration. She is now living in Texas with her family and is excited to be home. Catch her daily relationship and advice column “Molly Mason- Let’s Talk Love” on www.austin.com and “Straight Talk” in print. You can contact Molly at mollymason.st@gmail.com.

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